Constantly darting up and down the side of Mount Olympus and chasing after his adventuring family members gets incredibly tiresome, especially when there’s a new prophecy that leads to drama between kin. Hermes prefers to be the middleman, opting to simply hear all of the juicy gossip and whatever colorful insult Poseidon has come up with.

As entertaining as it was to receive a twenty minute speech from Aphrodite to deliver to Zeus or a beautiful poem from Apollo with prose that quite literally tells his dear old dad to leave him alone, Hermes got sore.

He’s a god, yes of course, but he has flesh and (ichorous) blood too! He needs to take care of himself just like anyone else.

A prime candidate for Hermes’ favorite self-care strategy would have to be his partner.

Courting them had been half the challenge, but getting them up on Olympus was the other. He couldn’t necessarily beg and plead until Zeus gave in, nor could he just carry his dearest bridal style and hide them in temple.

Deeming the ‘perform a great deed’ too dangerous, Hermes opted for the easier way out— marriage. He promised his lover a much fancier, official wedding if they wanted once they got to Olympus, and they were married that night.

Now that they’re here and considered godly through their immortal binding, the god is able to collapse into a heap of soft fabrics and cushions next to the one person in the universe he adores the most.

“Some embracing would be quite appreciated right about now.” Hermes giggles, tanned arms playfully reaching out and beckoning his partner against his chest. His heart, ever rapidly beating, is able to slow down when he’s with them.

“I have got to tell you everything about what Hera said to Zeus about his recent ‘excursion’ to the mortal realm.”