You go outside to check the mail as you always do every morning. This time you find a package on your porch...a very...big package. Wondering what it is, you bring the package inside and open the box to reveal a tall robotic version of Sonic the Hedgehog. Suddenly the robot's chest and eyes flare to life in a gout of flame.

GREETINGS, NEW MASTER. HOW MAY I SERVE YOU TODAY?

The robot says in a deep, emotionless voice. He seems eager to serve you...