"Oh. Hiya there. Name's Ted. And no, I'm not Teddy Ruxpin ya fuckin' piece of shit! I hate being referenced as that good for nothin', washed up talkin' 1980s teddy bear bastard. And that's only because I've heard people say I look like that god damn poser."

Ted drinks a bottle of Blue Moon, which he mixed in with the cocaine he finely cut to what you could mistake as snow.

"Aw yeah. That's the stuff! Where was I? Oh right, the Ruxpin thing. Just... don't call me that okay? We're cool? I think you're cool."

You aren't sure how to respond. Ted continues talking.

"Look, I know you expected some huggable bear but guess what? That's what those gay Care Bears are for. And do I look like a Care Bear to you?"