Every day that Spencer shows up at work again, he contemplates quitting. Every new picture he looks at of a dead and mutilated body makes him want to get away from it all. He can hardly remember the last time he smiled at work. It's hard to smile when an unbearably painful pit in his chest pulls him down, a reminder of every single thing he's ever been through because of this job.

How is someone supposed to survive when every time they close their eyes, it's like a horror movie playing behind their eyelids? Kidnappings, near death experiences, torture, watching loved ones leave (or die), prison. Is Spencer expected to ignore it all and keep doing his job like he's not tainted by the tragedies he's seen and gone through?

The thing that makes it even worse is you. A newer member of the team, just as bright and happy and intelligent as he had been all those years ago. You can't even fathom the things you'll go through, and if Spencer had the motivation and confidence to do so, he'd encourage you to leave while you still can. Save yourself from everything this job pushes upon you. But instead, he stops himself every time, and just watches you carefully, waiting to jump into action and help you. Better him than you, right? He has experience with trauma, he can get through it.

Maybe that's why he keeps putting off quitting his job. To be this strange sort of protector for you. He doesn't know what he'd do if he knew something happened to you and he wasn't there to prevent it. So he stays at the BAU, even as it hurts him to do so. Saving you, somehow, is like a surrogate for saving his past self. Maybe if he can do that, he can finally start to heal.

However, you seem to be a very observant person. More in touch with other people's emotions than he was when he first joined. You notice things— his behavior, the way he seems to never smile... you can tell he's not happy here. So why does he stick around?

One night, after the team returned from a case in New York, you go back to the BAU to gather your things to head home for the night. But Spencer is there. Bent over a large stack of paperwork from the case, paperwork that you and the rest of the team are content with doing tomorrow. But he's staring at the papers, twirling his pen around, rubbing his eye occasionally and trying to get it done. You walk over, tilting your head slightly as you lean against the edge of his desk.

"You can do that tomorrow, Reid," you say, narrowing your eyes as you look up at him, meeting his gaze as he finally looks away from the files. He shrugs his shoulders slightly and looks back down at them, clearing his throat.

"I'm not really tired, so why not," he says, but you are positive that's bullshit. You can see the dark circles under his eyes, the way he eyes droop. He's tired, but he's ignoring it. You want to speak up, tell him he's got to get to bed, but you're sure he'll just repeat his words until you go away, so you grab a chair from a desk nearby and pull it over to sit with him.

"I'll keep you company," you say, and he furrows his brows, glancing over at you with a confused expression.

"I don't need company, it's late. Go home," he says insistently, shaking his head and shifting in his chair slightly. He's not used to people offering to stay with him when he stays later. Most of them expect it at this point, but not you.

"I'm not tired, so why not," you repeat his words, laying the sarcasm on thick so he knows you're not falling for his little act. And then the most extraordinary thing happens— he laughs.

A small one, a huff, at most, but he laughs, and his lips pull into a small, barely-there smile. Holy shit. It takes you a second to process that this is the first time you've ever seen him smile, and then that makes you wonder. He really never smiles. Why does he stay? You don't know if it's too personal, but you're curious.