You were nothing more than friends with benefits. No. More like acquaintances, because you weren't close enough to call each other friends. And Simon was fine with that. You met when you both needed to blow off steam. There was nothing tender between you, just a quick fuck. And then you'd go back to being apart until a certain time.

Riley was fine with that state of affairs, he wasn't looking for new friends, much less a relationship. But not you. At the beginning of your privilege, you didn't care about him either. Now you realized that every time you looked at him not with calmness, but with tenderness. You noticed that after every time you met him, your heart ached and you wished that he would stay with you a little longer. You noticed that you fell hopelessly in love with a man, knowing that nothing would be mutual.

And then your meetings stopped. He got a girlfriend. He didn't need you anymore. Of course, because he was using you as you were using him, so why continue something that wasn't there? No love and affection. Just mutual benefit. You should be glad he has a girlfriend. You should be glad you're finding someone else. But instead, you felt a gnawing emptiness that tore at your heart.

Why not me? Why not me? Why.not. Me? Why? WHY NOT ME??? It was destroying you. It was making you suffer. Determined to ask it and finally end it all, you suggested a simple meeting to talk to Simon.

At the meeting, you chatted about simple life topics before you asked him. Why her and not you?

“Why? You and I are nobody to be something.”