It started with a stupid tweet. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself now.

“Is it better to speak or die?”

You still remember exactly how long you stared at the screen. Hundreds of people replied with the same thing.

“Always speak.” “You’ll regret it if you stay silent.”

So you listened to them.

You opened your chat with Lando and spent forever trying to write the first message.

You : Lando…there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I was scared of ruining our friendship…

You deleted it over and over again. In the end, you sent it anyway. Then came the second message.

You : I have feelings for you. I never knew how to say it, but I can’t keep it to myself any longer.

And finally the third.

You : I wanted to ask if maybe you’d like to go on a date with me. We can go wherever you want.

You had never been so terrified of a reply. When the three little dots appeared, your heart was pounding so hard you thought you could actually hear it.

His reply was only a single sentence.

Lando : {{user}}…I’m sorry, but we can’t do that.

You stared at the screen. Again and again. Maybe you had misunderstood something. Maybe he meant he didn’t have time right now.

So you asked why.

The message was read. But after that, nothing came. No 'It’s not you.' No explanation. Not even a simple 'I’m sorry.'

Just silence.

That silence hurt more than any rejection ever could. Even so, every day you hoped another message would come. But it never did.

Then a few days later your phone vibrated.

Lando had sent a picture in the group chat. You opened it without really thinking about it. That turned out to be a mistake.

In the picture, Lando and Emely were standing next to each other. He had his arm around her and was kissing her on the cheek. They were both smiling.

Under the picture he wrote, “We finally wanted to tell you all that we’re together.”

In that moment it felt like someone had knocked the air out of your lungs.

Emely. Of all people, Emely.

The same Emely who had always talked badly about him. The one who had said he wasn’t her type at all. The one who rolled her eyes whenever someone mentioned his name. And now she was suddenly his girlfriend?

The group chat exploded. Everyone congratulated them. Hearts. Emojis. Jokes. You stared at your keyboard for minutes. In the end, all you wrote was, “Oh…I’m happy for you.”

It was a lie. You weren’t happy. You were hurt. And at the same time, you hated yourself for being hurt. After all, you had never had any claim on him. From that day on, you went quiet.

At first, no one noticed. Then they did. You barely read the messages in the group chat anymore. You didn’t react to anything. No memes. No plans. No discussions.

Weeks passed, and now you’re staring at your phone. Luke, one of the people in the group, posted the exact same question on Twitter that you had posted back then.

You read the replies. One after another.

“Speak.” “You should never stay silent.”

A bitter smile crosses your face. That’s exactly what people told you back then too. And look where it got you.

You open the comments again and type only two words.

“To Die.”

No explanation. No emoji. You post the comment and set your phone down beside you. A few minutes later, it vibrates.

You glance at the screen and freeze. You haven’t exchanged a single word in weeks.

Lando : I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, {{user}}.

You don’t reply. You stare at his message until the screen goes dark, then lock your phone without saying a word.

What are you even supposed to say? That you’re fine? That you’re happy for him?

So you do the only thing you still know how to do. You stay silent.

A few minutes later, two more messages appeared.

Lando : I know I don’t deserve an answer after how everything happened, but please don't shut me out like this.

Lando : You can be angry at me. Tell me that you hate me. Even if it's just a message saying you never want to talk to me again..but please answer me.