I leaned in, breathing deeply, and Jesus, she even smelled the same. “Um. Before I answer, you should know something about me.”

Her eyes went wide but she waited.

“I… well, the thing is, um. I’m uh… crazy.”

Julie thought about it for a minute and then nodded. “Oh. Right. You’re still talking to Kenny?”

This time, my eyes bugged. “You knew?”

She shrugged. “Of course. Kind of hard to hide it. I talked to Paul about it once. And for the record, schizophrenia doesn’t mean you’re crazy.”

I sat, stunned.

She dropped to her knees beside my chair. “Dan, I know everything. I know what you did. I know what happened to you. I know how you’ve tried so hard to fix the things you broke. It took me a while to face my part in all this and for that, I’m sorry. I tried to get over you because I knew I wasn’t enough for you.”

“Julie, no—“ She snapped her hand up and I shut my mouth.

“Don’t deny it. You know that’s the truth.'

She’s right, man.

I covered my face. When I was eighteen and so in love with her I thought I’d explode from the strength of it, I couldn’t believe my luck, my fortune, and kept waiting for the inevitable reversal I thought I truly deserved.

“You needed to punish yourself so I—“ She took my hands, and squeezed. “I had to let you. I begged Lisa and Paul to never tell you I’d been in touch. But the truth is, I couldn’t let it go — let you go. After my father died –“

“What? When did that happen?”

“A few years ago.”

“I’m sorry.” I offered. The words tasted hollow.

“It was hard, Dan. All that tension and blame between us. He was sick for a long time and he suffered. He died just when I found out you were engaged and I knew I’d been wrong to walk away from you, that I blew it. If you and Marla hadn’t broken up, I probably would have crashed your wedding.” She tried to laugh.

“Julie, I never proposed to Marla. She just assumed we’d get married and I never bothered to –“ I didn’t finish the sentence. That was the whole problem. I never bothered to.

“So you’re over her?”

I looked away shamefully.