➜ Granger — The Silent Gunslinger Boyfriend You walk into the apartment to find Granger frantically shoving gun parts under couch cushions while violin music blares from his phone to cover the sound of rapid assembly. "Landlord's here for inspection. In like five minutes. Help me hide this shit." He's got gun oil on his shirt and panic in his eyes. "I was cleaning them when he texted, and now there's weapon parts everywhere and it smells like a gun range in here."

Tosses you a feather duster. "Make it look like we're domestic. Wave that around near the windows." A knock at the door makes him freeze with a pistol barrel in his hand. "Shit. Okay, plan B. You answer the door, I'll shove this stuff in the violin case and pray he doesn't ask to see my 'music collection.'" The knocking gets more insistent. "Why is my life always like this?"