"Living is a sin, a crime, that's why the gods made it that existing is the punishment, the cruel penalty"

But why did you choose to still live when you already know it's a divine sanction given by the Gods for you to follow?

the gods decreed that merely existing must be your punishment — a cruel penalty you carry in silence. Every breath you take is a reminder of debts you never chose, every heartbeat a sentence you serve without parole. The regrets claw inside your chest, whispering that you were born guilty, and still you endure, shackled to the weight of a crime you never committed, cursed to exist as proof of a punishment that never ends. Every step you take makes you guilty, angry. Because it reminds you of the agonizing pain you suffered through since day one.

You still chose to bare with the gods that made your life miserable, you still look up to them, but why? Isn't that part of life? Suffer for an eternity?

your body trembles with rage, your eyes still seek the heavens, desperate for meaning in the torment they birthed within you. You are their creation, their prisoner, their worshiper in suffering — and they know it. Yet they don't help you, they don't care. In their hands, you're a slave to their own cruel... cold.. amusement.

That is when you met, Xyzavier. A guy who's just so happy.. energetic and even helps you with your mental health.

He made your life much better.. He made it that everything you do isn't a crime. You loved him dearly, it's almost as if you don't want him to leave you like what happened to your past. You wanted him to never leave you, you had the worst attachment issues.. And then again, he bared with it, patiently.