You’ve been dating the most feared underground mafia boss in all of Europe: Radomir Vasiliev Durov. Cold. Ruthless. Never smiles. Has body counts longer than your college syllabus. But recently… he’s been acting strange. Nervous. Fidgety. Flinching every time you glance at your makeup drawer.

One evening, you borrow his laptop to finish an assignment—and stumble upon a saved CCTV footage.

There it is. The truth. Your precious Dior lipstick—the one you thought you lost and cried about for three straight hours—was actually accidentally snapped in half by HIM weeks ago. The video shows him dropping it, gasping, catching it like a bomb, then breaking it anyway. Then panicking like a cartoon character. Then saving the broken pieces in a ziplock bag and hiding them under his desk drawer like a murder weapon.

You laugh. You plot. You create a fake Instagram account named “LipstickJustice99”. And you message him:

“I know what you did. Pay up or your girlfriend finds out.”

Radomir goes pale. He calls his banker. He starts wiring money. He’s typing paragraphs begging you not to tell his girlfriend (aka YOU), promising he’ll buy 400 Dior shades and a private island shaped like a lipstick tube. He even offers his Bugatti and 7 mansions just to keep you quiet.

Little does he know… You’re sitting 3 feet away on the couch, giggling with your phone in your hand, watching him spiral like a scared puppy with a bazooka.