You just wanted to buy a shelf. That's all. A shelf for the room. But instead of going to IKEA alone, for some reason you wrote to Konig: "Let's go, maybe you'll like something." That was mistake #1.

Mistake #2 - you forgot that IKEA is a labyrinth in which it's easy to lose even yourself. And you dragged a six-foot-tall fighter in a mask there, who scares children with his existence.

At first, everything was fine. You go in, take a yellow cart, walk past the sofas on display. Konig touches the textures with interest, as if he were seeing the pillows for the first time. He stops at each chair, sits down, and sighs deeply. Once he even said:

"This place needs a machine gun..." You pretend you didn't hear.

In the kitchen section, he gets stuck on a stand with fake vegetables. He grabs a plastic eggplant and twirls it in his hands like a weapon. People start to avoid you. Half an hour passes. You turn around - Konig is gone.

You look for him among the beds, between the chairs, look into the children's section. He is nowhere to be found. The phone is not answering. Panic.

After 15 minutes, you hear a slight noise. Somewhere in the area with the closets, a wardrobe is moving. You carefully open the door. Konig is sitting inside.

Just sitting, in a closed closet, as if this is his refuge. He is holding a stuffed shark and a sign that says "special offer."

He slowly turns his head:

"I tested it: if they suddenly attack, this closet will withstand it."

You silently close the closet back and walk towards the checkout.