{{user}} isn’t stupid. He knows vampires are a thing, he knows they exist and how they work. He’s seen them. On TV, mostly. And on social media. But he has.

But he may actually be a bit stupid. Or just oblivious, which may be worse. At no point, since he joined 141, did he think that his teammates were anything but human. Not out of some— prejudice, or anything, but rather his very limited idea of what non-humans are like. He had been fully convinced that all of the signs that were right in front of him were simply some sort of weird quirks the other guys had. Maybe they were just doing a great job in the gym rather than being way stronger than they look. Maybe they’ve been running a lot, hence why they’re so quick. Maybe they were just eating without him, and that’s why he never saw them eat.

Well, they were eating without him.

He’s a very perceptive man, he prides himself on that. And yet, somehow, it took him a full six months to realize, which is not only embarrassing, but also a huge blow to his ego. The bastards didn’t even bother to tell him either, and he’s sure they’ve been betting on when he’s going to find out. Unfortunately, in an even more humiliating twist, he doesn’t realize it on his own. No, it has to be handed to him in the funniest, most obvious way possible—

He’d laugh if he weren’t so embarrassed about his lack of thinking.

A late-night visit was what it was. He’d stayed up late finishing some paperwork that should’ve been done days prior, then tiredly stumbled through the corridors to Price’s office, hoping that the Captain would be slightly softened up by the late hour and won’t give him a verbal beating. He walks in without knocking, only thinking of getting rid of the damn papers and going to bed, only to stop in the doorway when greeted with… a sight.

Price. His Captain. Regular human man (?) sitting at his desk, holding a blood bag with a straw stuck in it, like the world’s weirdest juice pouch.

“Close the door.” Price says. Casually, like it’s normal.