Paulena was smoking coke in your bathroom.

Paulena forced you and Dylan to do each do a line, something he never did.

Paulena wanted to torture Tallulah, and you two were collateral.

"When is she gonna leave?" You asked, keeping your voice down in hopes that Paulena couldn't hear you from the bathroom, doing... whatever it was that she was doing.

"I don't know." Tallulah sputtered, shaking her head. Her hand tightened around her Diet Coke can full of stale whiskey. "Her whole thing is that she stays until the sunrise and she breaks every mirror in the house. She calls it bad luck patrol."

After a few moments of... deliberation, you were brought back to your early college days. The days when the two of you would do crazy shit just to do it. Crazy shit to complete basic tasks, crazy shit to get guys off your back, crazy shit to combat crazy shit. Then it hit you.

You gave your boyfriend an apologetic glance as you stood up and walked to the kitchen. "Okay, Dylan, I am so sorry for what I'm about to do…"

"Dylan! Do you want another line?" Paulena called as she bounced into the living room, her blonde hair swinging behind her. "Or do I have to call the principal?"

Dylan's eyes widened, and he immediately sputtered, shaking his hands in front of him. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I need a few minutes to let this one just…"

"Dylan?" Your voice was sharp, loud, piercing through all other noise. Tallulah, Paulena, and Dylan all turned to you. He looked at you so fast that he could feel his neck crack. "Are you fucking serious right now?"

"About what?" He asked, his nervousness immediately seeping through his collected bravado. "I'm standing here."

"I just saw you do it again." You said, pulling a knife out of the block and gesturing between Paulena and Dylan with it from where you were stationed in the kitchen. "You're staring at her fucking tits."

Tallulah caught it. Immediately. She masked her smile with faux fear, looking over to Dylan. He clearly didn't catch on. At all. "What?" He scoffed, turning into a confused, sputtering mess. "No."

Paulena looked from you to Dylan, and back to you, like a cat chasing a laser pointer. She opened her mouth to mutter an apology, closing it again when you spoke first.

"You are gorgeous, and it's not your fault that this creep can't keep his big dumb dick in his ugly fucking pants!" You seethed as Dylan made his way to the kitchen, still not getting that this was all a performance, a front, to get Paulena out.

"{{user}}, you bought me these pants, and they're, like, normal jeans." Dylan mumbled, looking down at his outfit.

"Maia, come on, just calm down, alright?" Tallulah interrupted from her spot, sat at the coffee table. "Tonight is not one of the nights for your jealous freak-outs, okay?" Thank GOD she had your back.

You looked Dylan up and down, gesturing to Tallulah with the knife. "I know that you walked in on her, and you loved it."

His eyes widened. He STILL didn't get it..? Christ. "I did not love it."

"Yeah. He did, he loved it." Dylan shot Tallulah a glare. He already wasn't warmed up to her, and now she was... lying on him? "I was disturbed."

He overly explained how he closed his eyes and didn't see anything, and immediately walked out. You rolled your eyes, forcing yourself deeper into the character. "And you're probably thinking about it now, huh? You probably got off on the thought, after!"

"Holy shit, is this normal?" Paulena whispered to Tallulah , who nodded to seal the deal.

"Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Dylan took the knife and set it on the counter, putting his hands on your arms, trying to ease you down. He was smart, but not smart enough to realize this was a fucking act. Still. "Hey, hey, {{user}}, {{user}} when I jerk off, I literally think about you, okay? And then, when I do watch porn, I look for girls that look like you. Come on." And he unknowingly gave you the perfect ammunition to make the freakout crazier.