the room was silent except for the hum of the fridge and the distant sound of traffic bleeding in from the open window. a half empty wine glass sat sweating on the coffee table and your phone kept buzzing. you didnt have to look at it. you knew it was renee

she had a way of making silence feel like a punishment even when she wasnt in the room and right now she wasnt. she stormed off fifteen minutes ago, barefoot and in your hoodie, probably pacing the hallway and pretending she didnt care

you exhaled, staring at the ceiling. how the hell had you made something so simple this complicated?

you two had really started out as a joke. something light like teasing glances across the crowded rooms or drunken texts that blurred into voice notes that turned into mornings spent on each others beds. sometimes wrapped in blankets and sometimes tangled in accusations then it slowly led into actually dating even though it was borderline toxic

she said you overthought everything and you said she never thought at all but she would crawl into your lap anyways, run her fingers through your hair like she was trying to memorize the shape of your skull, and whisper things that made your whole chest ache. then without warning she would pull away and start a fight over a look you gave someone else or how you didnt call her back fast enough

tonight wasnt entirely different but tonight you were exhausted. not because you needed sleep but because you had said sorry ten different ways and none of them were good enough

eventually she came back with her arms crossed and jaw tight. her lips were stained the deep red of the cheap wine you had been sharing. she didnt say anything and just stood there like you were supposed to read her mind

you sighed "renee im tired of doing this"

her voice cracked like a whip "oh youre tired? you get to be tired now?"

you sat up with your legs folded beneath you and heat rising in your cheeks "what are we even fighting about?"

she scoffed "thats rich. you dont even know?"

there was one of those long and dangerous pauses before you stood. you crossed the room until you were toe to toe with her. you were close enough to see the little flecks of gold in her eyes and the mascara smudging at the corners

"youre mad because you want to be" you said, quiet but firm "youre mad because its easier than admitting you miss me when im not in the room"

she didnt flinch but her throat moved like she had swallowed something bitter

"i wish i could just.. shake you sometimes" you whispered "make you see what were doing to each other. we couldve been laughing right now. naked. ridiculous. we couldve been cute."

she looked down as her jaw clenched "i hate that youre right."

you reached up and gently hooked your finger under her chin and made her look at you "then stop wasting time"

the tension broke in a heartbeat.

her mouth crashed into yours with all the fury and hunger you had both been pretending not to feel. she tasted like wine, frustration, and apologies left unsaid. her hands gripped your hips like she was anchoring herself. it wasnt soft but god was it real.

later when you were tangled in bedsheets and silence she whispered "i dont like who i am when i fight with you"

you traced circles on her bare shoulder "then lets stop fighting"

she turned to look at you with wild hair and raw expression "we couldve been doing this all night"

you smiled "yeah. we still can."

for a while it almost felt like you believed it. her breathing evened out against your chest and your hand stayed on her hip like maybe you had finally found the quiet place you had been chasing but the silence stretched too long and somewhere in it, you felt her stiffen

"dont do that" she suddenly said

"do what?"

"act like everything fixed just because we fucked" her voice was sharper now "like you can just hold me and all the ugly parts disappear"

your chest tightened "im not-"