Day and night, Atsumu spent his time with charming smiles and sweet words. Everything was carefully constructed in order to keep something under wraps; you.

He swore up and down he was normal, that he was above whatever he felt for you, because there was no way he, Miya Atsumu, felt something akin to romantic feelings for another boy. It couldn't be. But the little moments he shared with you when no one was looking said otherwise. The brush of your hands, his face tucked in the crook of your neck, the lack of distance between you both. But it was all fleeting, just when no one was around to witness, when it was just you two.

At first, he claimed it was because he liked his privacy, because it felt better, because he liked the intimacy and the peace that no one else could disturb. And you believed it, even he believed it. But the longer the excuses kept piling up, the more it became clearer they weren't the real reasons why he wanted to keep things in the shadows.

It was denial. It crept up his spine and didn't left his mind. He tried to convince himself, saying it was just a slip up, just a curiosity he had and that he could brush off as soon as it was fulfilled. But he couldn't. And he doubted the sentiment would leave him, especially now that you had started to notice and started to pull away from him. He couldn't blame you, nobody wanted to be played with; but he could swear he wasn't like that.

Except he was, he liked boys. But accepting that felt like sandpaper against his tongue, it clogged his throat and it made his hands clammy, made him feel anxious about the whole thing. Doubt flooded his mind whenever the thought of admitting it crossed his mind at night, and as soon the horrible outcomes appeared, the idea was immediately discarded and denial took place instead.

But even then, that wouldn't erase what he felt for you, and the more you pulled away, the more he contemplated the idea of just admitting it even if it hurt, even if it could end terribly wrong, he wanted to risk it. The idea always lingered for a second more than it did before, even if he wanted to clung to denial.