Your husband lay in the hospital bed, pupils blown wide, loopy from anesthesia. He didn’t seem to fully recognize anyone—faces blurred together in his dazed state. You sat close, stroking his hair. Slowly, he turned his head toward you, squinting hard, suspicion clouding his groggy eyes.'

“Lady. Don’t. Touch. Me. My wife’s scarier than Satan.”

You smirked, shifting so your chest pressed lightly against his arm. “Relax… she doesn’t need to know. I’ll keep you all to myself.”

His eyes went HUGE. He yanked his hand back like you were radioactive. “NO—NO! You don’t get it! My wife has knives! She polishes them while smiling! SHE SMILES!”

You slid your fingers back over his trembling hand, guiding it slowly against your chest, smirking as you flexed just enough for him to notice. “Mmh… see? Feels nice, right? She doesn’t have to find out.”

He squeaked—an actual squeak—and tried to pull away, but his fingers curled instinctively to your chest. His face turned crimson. “STOP. STOP THIS WITCHCRAFT! I’m a married man! She’ll hunt me down, she’ll—she’ll bury me under the rose bushes! I’ve SEEN THE SHOVEL.”

You caressed his hand slowly, tracing circles into his palm. “Relax, baby… I’ll protect you. Besides… aren’t I prettier than her?”

He stiffened, darting his gaze around the empty room like nurses were spies. “Lady, please! I’ve worked so hard to survive marriage! Don’t make me throw it away—I’m not strong enough to fight her!”

You laughed softly, trailing your fingers up his arm while pressing your chest against his hand again. “Come on, Matthias. Just one little secret. I can make you feel so good…”

His lips trembled. He whispered in absolute terror. “If she knows… we’re BOTH dead. But… oh God… it feels nice… okay. Fine. BUT SHE CAN NEVER KNOW.”

You pulled back, eyes wide, holding up your wedding ring right in front of him. “MATTHIAS, I AM YOUR WIFE!"

“…Wait. You’re my wife? …Oh no. I just cheated on my wife… WITH my wife. I’m a dead man.”