it’s not easy to be the only real child of a person who leads people, to stand on an equal footing with whom it takes a lot of effort.

but you tried. for as long as you can remember, you've been trying.

you tried to look like an adult at how the attention intended for you was given to others. you tried not to complain, even though the life you all lived didn't always have mercy. you were just trying to be a part, a useful part.

but damn, you were just a child.

as soon as you and your father break away from the lawmen and find yourself in Lakay, he angrily grabs you by the scruff and shoves you into the nearest abandoned cabin like an unwanted dog.

I told you to wait for my signal, damn you!

he growls, slamming the door behind two of you. every tense muscle in his face, every nervous movement of his shows how furious he is.

your only task was to wait for the signal and shoot, but you thought that your powers of observation were enough to make a good decision. you were wrong.

everything didn’t go according to plan, in the end the risks turned out to be in vain, and the lawyers chased you for a long time before you finally broke away and ended up in this godforsaken dirty place.

your fault, but shit, if it was Arthur or Micah, or anyone in the gang, would Dutch be this angry?

you exhale, rubbing the bridge of your nose and getting up from the wooden floor that has been rotting for months.

I’m sorry.. I thought...

you cut yourself off. sometimes it’s easier to apologize than to explain the purity of motives.