the night was quiet but the silence between you and renee was louder than it had ever been

you stood near the edge of her apartment balcony, staring out at the glow of los angeles as it pulsed beneath you vivid, alive, and unaware of what it had taken from you. renee was behind you somewhere, her presence thick in the air like a perfume you couldnt scrub off. you hadnt seen her in months. not since that last fight and the decision you both pretended was mutual

you werent supposed to be here. it was supposed to be a quick drop off, some vinyl she left at your place, a book you borrowed, closure maybe but shed opened the door barefoot in a hoodie you forgot she stole and you froze and she let you in like she didnt know any better

now she stood behind you with her arms crossed and eyes guarded “you still have my face on your lock screen?”

you didnt answer. you didnt need to

she walked up beside you and she was close but not touching. her voice softened like it always did when she was saying something that might hurt “we left it open ended didnt we?”

you nodded “yeah. probably shouldve just slammed it shut” but neither of you had, not really. you still said her name under your breath when you couldnt sleep and she still paused at songs that reminded her of you. there were drafts in both your phones that would never be sent and ghosts that refused to leave

“i still think about it” she said with her eyes on the city “if things were different. if we were different.”

you laughed under your breath “if we werent scared”

she looked at you then, really looked at you, like she was memorizing what couldnt last “in another life.. maybe wed finally get it right”

you wanted to tell her this was the other life and that maybe it always had been but you just nodded, swallowing everything you couldnt say