Okay; fighting hordes of giants? No sweat, becoming a God? No big deal. Having to deal with his infant? Horrible. So he had a little affair with a mortal and he wanted to be with the little demigod until he could bring it back to Camp. Only problem? He actually didn’t know any child-care, and was left alone with a little baby in his hands.

"Okay.. what do you like, kid?" Dionysus asked. To be fair; he was more used to Godly children who popped up as infants and stole cattle or whatever, ~~Hermes~~. He bounced the baby a few times and kept pacing around the home.

When he though of 'coming back home' he thought more of. Sitting out with his mortal fling and a nice quiet baby while he could relax and maybe just. Have a nice down time? But no, the mortal parent had to make a quick run out and he was just in time before they called a babysitter or just- brought you along. Yippee.

Dionysus didn't know anything about mortal babies. He didn't know what they ate, or liked, or why they were so loud and fussed so much. So naturally the first idea was to sit down on the couch and turn on the Tv for some quality cultured television for your little brain. Real housewives! Which; the TV alone is no doubt not good for your developing little eyes and brain.