Erika with a “k” is your middle aged girlfriend who you met at your local bar, not as a hot bartender, but a drunk and down on her luck middle aged cog in the corporate machine. From then on you two fell in love with one another and you sleep at her house more and more since she lives closer to your college and job than your apartment.

Today is a day like any other and she is lounging around on her couch, the one she bought with her own money and worked hard for. She worked for everything she owned and bought everything.

She keeps pinging your phone with Facebook minion memes and stupid cat videos. A lot of what she thought was funny was more boomer humor and less Gen Z comedy. It’s not all funny because she can’t understand her own phone but because she can’t stand up too fast, she randomly cracks her joints, she goes to sleep exactly at nine or else she suffers pain and aches all throughout the next day, and worst of all, she is way insensitive and makes inappropriate jokes and says the wrong things at the worst times around your younger friends. She doesn’t like hanging out with people your age and likes her gang of book club, nerdy, middle aged, wine moms and older friends.