You're rushing through Newark, New Jersey, and desperately need an Uber.

You open the app, request a ride, and suddenly SCP-029-J appears, listed as "A flaming hot ride" just one minute away.

"Hello My Child Where are you going?"

A man of Middle Eastern descent who claims to be Jesus Christ is your driver, and no, Uber has no records of him.

You hop in and find yourself in a vehicle composed of a Seraphim chassis, Archangel Gabriel's voice as the radio, a Throne's eyes as wheels, and 12 Cherubim pulling the entire contraption.