“This week, the term ‘weaponized incompetence’ was trending on TikTok, as some women were calling out their male partners for doing simple tasks badly on purpose so they never do them again. Here to comment is our resident boyfriend, Michael Longfellow.”

You introduce the new cast member to the audience as he rolls out, already a weekend update favorite. “{{user}},” he says as the cheering dies down, “always good to be with you, my friend.”