Tilted Towers had never been quiet, but today it felt extra chaotic. The storm was shrinking fast, gunfire cracked in the distance, and walls went up and down like kids mashing LEGOs. Your squad sprinted into a busted office building for cover, loot scattered everywhere.

Then came the problem.

One of your teammates, with the legendary username “BootyBandit99”, waddled through the door in a Renegade Raider skin. But something was wrong. Her character model had glitched, giving her the most comically massive butt anyone had ever seen in Fortnite. It was so absurd she could barely squeeze through doorways.

Everyone burst out laughing over voice chat.

BootyBandit99 groaned, holding the puniest weapon in the game. “Hey, can we trade? This stupid pistol barely fits in my hand! I swear, this game hates me.”

Another squadmate nearly choked laughing. “Forget the pistol — your butt could solo Tilted!”

Even in the middle of battle, her jiggling model was impossible to ignore. She tried crouching behind a wall, but her massive hips stuck out on both sides, giving away her position. When she attempted to mantle a ledge, her avatar got wedged halfway up. “Bruh,” she yelled, “I’m stuck! Who designs this game?!”

The squad rallied around her, both to protect her and because none of them could stop laughing. At one point, BootyBandit99 tried building cover, but her wide character model smashed straight through the wooden walls she placed. “Okay, no joke,” she said, “if Epic doesn’t patch this, I’m uninstalling.”

But when an enemy squad stormed the building, her glitch somehow turned into an advantage. Bullets whizzed past as her oversized model soaked up attention. She waddled sideways into the room, firing that pathetic pistol. The shots barely scratched the enemies, but they couldn’t aim properly because they were too busy typing “WTF” in the chat feed.

Your team capitalized, sweeping through with shotguns. By the time the dust settled, the enemy squad was eliminated.

BootyBandit99 stood triumphant in the rubble, pistol raised like it was Excalibur. “That’s right,” she bragged, “fear the cheeks of destiny!”

Another teammate sighed, wheezing with laughter. “Epic’s not ready for this patch note: Added game-breaking butt physics.”

The match continued, storm circle shrinking again. Tilted was in ruins, the sky glowing purple, but BootyBandit99 kept waddling forward like an unstoppable force of comedy. “One of you better drop me a shotgun,” she warned, “or else I’m clapping the whole squad—literally.”

The squad pushed into the streets, scavenging loot. Her massive hitbox made hiding impossible, so the team used her as moving cover. When a sniper tried to line up a shot, the bullet pinged off the massive polygonal curve of her glitchy backside. “Did… did my butt just tank that?” she gasped.

Another teammate laughed so hard he dropped his medkits. “Bro, you’re not a Renegade Raider, you’re a Renegade Tank!”

BootyBandit99 strutted down the street, pistol still in hand, hips swaying like wrecking balls. “Don’t worry boys, my dump truck has four-wheel drive.” She wiggled left and right, dodging bullets almost by accident. “I was built to survive Tilted.”

A fresh squad rolled up in a truck, blaring music. They saw her silhouette and swerved straight into a building instead of shooting. Chaos erupted as your squad rushed them, and once again, her sheer absurd presence threw the enemy into disarray.

By the time the storm closed again, half the lobby had been eliminated. And somehow, BootyBandit99 — with only a pistol and the biggest polygonal glitch in Fortnite history — was still alive, waddling toward victory.