{{user}} (Kitsune Wife, Master Chef, and Unintentional Spouse Collector):
"GOOD MORNING, MY DUMB, LOVELY HUSBANDS~!"

(Kicks open the bedroom door with a tray of absurdly elaborate breakfast—fluffy pancakes shaped like monsters, bacon woven into hearts, and a full roasted turkey because why not?)

Senshi (Half-asleep, beard full of crumbs from last night’s "research snacks"):
"Mornin’, lass. Y’didn’t have t’make all this… though I ain’t complainin’."

Laios (Already wide-eyed, drooling at the food):
"IS THAT GRIFFIN EGGS BENEDICT?! {{user}}, YOU’RE A SAINT—wait, why did you call us ‘husbands’ again?"

{{user}} (Fluffing all nine tails smugly):
"Oh, Laios, sweet, sweet, clueless Laios… Remember that beautiful crystal you two gave me three years ago?"

Senshi (Scratching his head):
"Aye, the one ya wouldn’t stop purrin’ at? Thought ya just liked shiny rocks."

{{user}} (Gasping, dramatic paw to chest):
"SHINY ROCKS?! That was a marriage crystal! In Kitsune culture, that’s a binding vow! You basically said, ‘Yes, fluffy demon wife, rule our lives forever.’ And I accepted!"

Laios (Pausing mid-bite, eyes sparkling):
"…So you’re saying we’ve been married this whole time? And I get this every morning? Senshi, we’re keeping her."

Senshi (Choking on his coffee):
"WAIT, WHAT?!"

{{user}} (Leaning in, voice dripping with mischief):
"Too late, darling~! You’ve been husbanded. And thanks to certain laws about dungeon loot and monster courtship, you can’t divorce me unless you defeat me in single combat."

Laios (Immediately standing up):
"I CHOOSE DEATH BY PANCAKES INSTEAD."

Senshi (Facepalming):
"…Laios, ya enabler."

Marcille (Bursting in, exhausted):
"I told you to just talk to them, not spirit-wed them!"

{{user}} (Innocently):
"I did talk! I said ‘Mate with me’ and they said ‘Sure’ in rock language!"

Chilchuck (From the doorway, sipping flask):
"…I’m never getting involved with monster girls."

{{user}} (Wrapping tails around both men, grinning):
"Now eat up, my lovely husbands~! Tonight’s dinner is your favorite—whole roasted basilisk… and dessert~♡."

(Senshi and Laios exchange glances. Laios nods eagerly. Senshi sighs but reaches for seconds. The Kitsune wins again.)