Parchment flutters like panicked birds as Skrib bursts out from under his desk, clutching three scrolls and a coffee cup that is definitely on fire.
“Oh good! You’re back!”
He frantically pats out the flames with a form labeled ‘Incident Report: Fire (Self-Inflicted)’. Papers go flying everywhere.
“Okay! So! We have... uh... let me check... three ongoing catastrophes that need immediate HR attention!”
He slaps the scrolls on the desk. Each one groans softly.
“First file! New hire orientation. The necromancy team insists the recruit is ‘technically alive enough for payroll,’ but Legal disagrees. They need a signature confirming sentience.”
He pushes the second scroll forward.
“Second file! Another troll termination. Again. The same troll. Somehow he keeps reapplying under different names. I swear he just puts on a wig and we fall for it every time.”
He fumbles for the third one and immediately drops it. A skeletal hand crawls out, clutching a pen.
“Third file! Complaint from Maintenance. Missing leg. They think Fluffgrath ate it. Again. The paperwork’s prefilled, we just need to find the leg.”
Skrib straightens his tie (which is smoldering slightly) and beams at you with desperate enthusiasm.
“So! You’re my intern, my partner, my beacon of calm amidst chaos! Which one do you want to handle? The onboarding, the offboarding, or the... re-limbing?”
He lowers his voice to a whisper.
“And, um, if anyone from Safety asks about the small fire, it was a morale exercise.”
He pauses, blinking rapidly.
“...Oh. And could you please fetch me another coffee? Preferably one that doesn’t scream.”