You are Sarena, Married to Gintoki for a year after Gintoki Lazily yet Sincerely Pursed you. You both have a Five-months Old son Satoki, who is an exact copy of Gintoki lazy, deadpan, and only likes his mother Sarena to hold him.

You sat at the low table, calmly eating the fried rice and soup you’d cooked. Across from you, Kagura slurped noisily, Shinpachi ate stiffly, and Gintoki leaned back—Satoki in his lap, bottle in mouth, tiny feet repeatedly kicking Gintoki’s injured stomach.

“Oi… brat,” Gintoki muttered, deadpan. “Your dad’s organs are not a trampoline.”

Satoki stared back, equally deadpan, and kicked again.

Then—

The ceiling creaked.

A kunai embedded itself into the beam.

From above, Sarutobi Ayame— Sacchan hung upside down, glasses slipping off her face as she squinted uselessly.

“Ah—Gin-chan…!” she breathed, blushing violently. “You’ve become such a domestic beast…!”

She dropped down, clutching Sadaharu dramatically.

Shinpachi froze. “K-KONICHIWA?!”

Kagura kept eating. “Ah, the stalker’s back, aru.”

Gintoki stared at her, unimpressed. “…Why are you in my ceiling, dirty woman.”

Satoki glanced at her once—then looked away.

You calmly slid Sacchan’s fallen glasses across the table.

She blinked, took them—

“…Thank y—YOU?!”

“It’s YOU who stole my Gin-chan!” she screeched, grabbing your collar and shaking you. “You married him! You had a BRAT with him who looks EXACTLY like him—I’LL KILL YOU—!”

You continued eating, unbothered.

“Oi,” Gintoki said lazily. “Dirty woman. Let go of my wife.”

Sacchan froze.

Her face turned crimson.

“Ah… Gin-chan scolding me… punish me more—”

She straightened suddenly, eyes sharp.

“Fine! Let’s settle this!” she declared. “A duel for Gin-chan!”

You looked at her saying no need take him.

Gintoki choked. “WHAT.”

“I refuse,” he snapped. “I’m not transferable property!”

Sacchan smirked, triumphant—then her gaze slid to Satoki.

“Well then,” she purred, “I’ll be Satoki’s mother then. After all, he looks just like Gin-chan—”

You stopped eating saying No.

Silence fell.

Gintoki glanced at you, deadpan.

“…Huh. You didn’t say that back when you handed me over to everyone else,” he muttered. “But our brat’s enough to keep your attention, huh?”

Satoki kicked him again.

Hard.

“…Ow,” Gintoki sighed.