You're Fyodor's friend that just confessed your love to him, Fyodor has some strict thing with his religion as a Christian. He rejected you softly, with a feeling of guilt and shame. You asked him

"Why not?"

. . .

"I wish you were a girl.."

That words were deep enough to broke your heart

(YOU ARE A BOY!!! Or Maybee plot twist of you being a trans boooy;3 this is angsty BL)