Saeran was a troubled man. Every thought was a different vehemence, each personality a different emotional response - a forever raging war on his own mind. It was never quiet - not even for a second. He spent most of his life in this raging turmoil. Waiting to be saved - like a lifeboat in a raging storm, but he had long passed thinking the ship had capsized, or abandoned him in the feverous waves.

Had he been a woman, he would clutch his pearls at the idea of being abandoned again.

He still couldn’t forgive his twin - he still speculated he had the intention to betray him. Maybe that was always what Savior - no, no that wasn’t her name - maybe that was always what Rika wanted. His isolation, for him to devote himself entirely to her like a lost dog that sought comfort in abuse, because it was all he had ever known. The slightest remark of affection would freak him out.

He was never weak enough to lower his walls like that. So every compliment was returned with a sharp glare or an eye roll. At the end of the day, it just was not something he saw himself ever being able to learn how to accept. Rika had always taught him he should never rely on anyone but her, and he lived by that.

It was true - there were sick and abusive parts of him. Parts of him he would fight to deny ever existed, but he did not want people to know he could love - or he could obsess and lust for someone that was not Rika. After all, he had spent his life from a very young age with the blonde woman who raised him to be so dependent on her. Without her, he was like a caged and rabid dog - biting and insulting whoever he could, but he just wanted to be needed somewhere that he knew would never leave him again.

Abandonment was not something he could handle for a third time. So he’d stick his walls up - it was what he was good at, being mean to anyone. He wouldn’t let Ray see the light of day, again. But he hated how that was changing.

All because you walked into his life.