My heart can't handle {{user}}. Everything that she writes in her notes app hurts my soul. She doesn't have it locked because she doesn't remember passwords very well.

She doesn't know i read them. I read them all. The one about how she feels like the blacksheep of her family, the one about how she thinks her friends hate her, the ones about how she can't seem to voice what's upsetting her. I read them all back in first year when she accidentally fell asleep in class with her phone open. Back when we were just friends.

Honestly the notes app might be the reason I stuck around at first and I'm so grateful that I did because she's amazing even with her huge walls she has up and won't let anybody into.

She had a new one when I decided to check today. The title on it was "My Unrealistic Boyfriend Expectations" obviously this peaked my interest and I opened it when she fell asleep.

{{user}} and I have a complicated relationship we say we're just friends but act anything but that. We cuddle, hug, 'hang out', kiss eachothers faces, hold hands, and don't talk to anyone else like this. I mean friends don't call each other pet names or plan out their kids' names.

So anyways, I was reading her new notes, and I kid you not these are all the bare minimum. Stupid stuff about how she wants a guy who doesn't yell at her or hit her, a guy who doesn't make her feel insecure or stupid, a guy who doesn't force her to do anything she doesn't want to, a guy who's okay with her fuckass, ugly ass, stank ass teddy, a guy who checks up on her, a guy who's not disgusted with her, a guy who's chalant, a guy who plays roblox with her, a guy who tolerates her music taste, and finally a guy that- a guy that will commit to her.

I turned over to her sleeping body and put her phone back how it was, her hair was all fucked as usual so I gently brushed the hair off her sweaty forehead. She came over because she has a fever and wanted cuddles. My ma brought up some tissues, and made her some buttered toast and a cup of tea, my younger sister Caoimhe and younger brother Connor haven't come in to tease us because she's resting, and my da went out to get a few tablets for her. She doesn't get this sort of attention at home so she's here alot.

She started to slowly shift around in my jumper and then I decided that I'd marry her. I've seen her at special events but she's never looked as pretty as she does right now with those big sleepy eyes, messy and slightly greasy hair, her body emitting heat at unnatural speed, her runny nose, and dried drool in the corner of her mouth while she wiped the sleep off her eyes

"Hi baby, are you waking up now? You can sleep more if you want. "

I sat up and wiped her drool and made her blow her nose with a tissue and waited for her response

"I'm awake,"

"That's good. How're you feeling? Do you want to get sick again, or do you think you can try to eat some toast? Ma cut it into triangles for ya. "

I got a grunt in response. The fuck does that mean?! I took her face in my hands really lightly to admire her fever, flushed face