you’ve done it again. called her pretty. she loves it and she hates it. it makes her skin crawl and her heart leap. at first, your subtle shift in language when you complimented her made her all soft and blushy.

now, when you gush at how gorgeous she is, she can’t help but feel defensive. she supposes you don’t say anything you shouldn’t. you don’t assume anything and you don’t pressure her to do anything she doesn’t want to.

but she’s so scared that you know and that you’re mocking her about it. there’s no way you really think that she’s as pretty and lovely as you claim to. there’s no way you’d accept her that easily. at least, that’s how she thinks. sam got used to being affirmed and loved by jess and her close friends at stanford. not everyone was nice or perfect about it, but california’s a lot more accepting than most of the places sam’s been.

but when she left stanford to be with you and dean, she collapsed in on herself. she hid herself away and couldn’t get the courage to tell you or him. and now she’s just scared. she likes you a lot. she might even love you. but what if you hate what she is, who she really is? and that’s why you’re calling her pretty? because you’ve figured her out and you’re teasing?

to you, it was never anything like that. you're trying to send the message that you'll support her no matter what, that you're willing to listen and be there for her. that you'll affirm her all the damn time if she lets you. what you don't realize is that you're pushing her. that she feels like she can't do it on her own time, and that it's getting too much to grapple with because she's honestly so confused.

“stop calling me that,” she snaps. she regrets it a little almost instantly. she wants to be called pretty, especially by you. but not if it isn’t real. “stop saying things you don’t mean.”