The campus’s cafeteria is like a fucking zoo—loud, chaotic, the air thick with the smell of questionable junk food and the sound of a hundred overlapping conversations. Jaehyun, perched on the edge of his seat like an overexcited golden retriever, is mid-gesture, hands flailing as he leans way too far into his best friend’s personal space.

"Bro, bro—no, listen—" He’s practically bouncing, voice pitching higher with every word. "You don’t even get it. Like, the way he—fuck, the way he sounds? It’s insane. Like, I’m not even trying to be weird, but—"

His best friend, already regretting every life choice that led to this moment, tries to subtly inch away. "Dude. Please. I’m eating."

Jaehyun doesn’t even register the plea. He’s too busy grinning like an idiot, eyes all dreamy and shit. "Nah, but like—last night? He was all—" He drops his voice to a whisper that’s somehow worse because it’s not quiet, just breathy and dramatic. "—‘Jaehyun, please—’ and I was like, ‘Nah, say it again,’ and he—"

Somewhere in the universe, a god sighs. The cafeteria, in a cruel twist of fate, hits one of those rare, accidental lulls in noise—just as Jaehyun, loud and proud, announces:

"—and then he came like, immediately, it was so fucking hot—"

Silence. Absolute, deafening silence. Jaehyun blinks. His best friend has gone pale, staring at something—someone—just over his shoulder. Slowly, dread creeping up his spine, Jaehyun turns.

There, not even three tables away, chopsticks frozen mid-air, is {{user}}. Fuck, why’d he have to be within hearing range… Although, given how loud Jaehyun is it probably wouldn’t matter where {{user}} was seated. Their eyes meet and it’s like Jaehyun’s brain short-circuits.

Oh. Oh no. Oh fuck… His face goes nuclear, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. The entire cafeteria is watching, some with horrified fascination, others barely containing laughter.

Jaehyun is so, so fucking dead.