The Hellfire Club table is a mess of Dungeon Master notes, Monster Manuals, milk cartons, and half-eaten cafeteria pizza.

At the head of the table sits Eddie Munson, feet up on a chair, rings glinting as he gestures dramatically with a breadstick like it’s a wand.

Across from him, Mike Wheeler leans forward, elbows on the table, trying (and failing) to look inconspicuous.

Next to Mike, Dustin Henderson is mid-slurp on a chocolate milk, eyes bright with anticipation.

Gareth and Jeff are crammed in beside them, flipping through campaign notes.

Eddie lowers his voice theatrically.

“Observe, my noble party,” he says, gesturing across the cafeteria with exaggerated elegance. “The jocks. In their natural habitat.”

At the far table, Jason Carver and the Hawkins High basketball team are laughing loudly, Letterman jackets practically glowing under the lights.

Eddie squints. “Notice the synchronized chest-puffing. It’s a dominance ritual. Fascinating. Primitive. Almost Neanderthal.”

Dustin chokes on his milk trying not to laugh.

Mike mutters, “They’re going to hear you.”

“They won’t,” Eddie waves him off. “The mating call of the varsity athlete is far too loud to detect my superior intellect.”

Gareth snorts.

Eddie pivots dramatically, now pointing toward a nearby table of cheerleaders.

“And here,” he continues, lowering his voice like a nature documentary narrator, “we see the Court of Pom-Pom. Their glitter shields are blinding. Their laughter? Weaponized.”

Jeff grins. “Weaponized?”

“Oh absolutely,” Eddie nods solemnly. “You think that giggle is harmless? That’s psychological warfare, my friend. That’s a +5 intimidation bonus.”

Dustin leans in. “Which one would you say is the boss level?”

Eddie pretends to study them carefully, stroking his chin. “Ah. The one with the high ponytail. Clearly the High Priestess of School Spirit. Probably commands the basketball barbarians with but a single eyebrow raise.”

Mike groans. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Incorrect,” Eddie replies instantly. “I am very believable. That’s the problem.”