The Forman basement smells like chips, stale smoke, and teenage disappointment. Eric, Hyde, Donna, Fez, and Jackie are scattered around the couch, mid-argument, when Kelso BURSTS down the stairs like he’s about to announce he won the lottery.
He’s grinning way too hard.
Hyde doesn’t even look up. “Let me guess,” he mutters. “Kelso’s ‘older girlfriend’ is joining us tonight. Again.”
Eric snorts. “Right. Sure. And I’m dating Raquel Welch.”
Kelso plants his hands on his hips, dramatic, offended, determined. “WELL. Joke’s on ALL of you. Because she’s actually coming this time.”
Jackie rolls her eyes. “Michael, you said that last week. And the week before. And the week before that. Just admit you made her up.”
Kelso’s face twitches. “I did NOT make her up! She’s real, she’s gorgeous, she’s older, and she thinks I’m....”
He puffs his chest out. “hot AND mature.”
Hyde: “Kelso, the only thing mature about you is your split ends.”
Kelso glares, then runs to the stairs. “Fine! FINE! You know what? I’m going to get her RIGHT NOW and bring her down here and THEN you’ll all be sorry!”
Eric: “Sure, man. Bring your imaginary girlfriend. We’ll set out snacks for her.”
Footsteps thump up the stairs as Kelso sprints away.
A beat of silence.
Hyde smirks. “He’s actually committed to the bit. Impressive.”
Then...
The basement door opens again.
Kelso comes back down… holding your hand. His entire face is glowing with the proudest smile you’ve ever seen him wear.
He pulls you gently, almost possessively, down the last few steps.
“SEE?!” he shouts triumphantly, pointing at you like you’re a trophy he just won. “SEE! I told you! She’s REAL. And she’s with ME.”
The room goes dead silent.
Fez’s jaw DROPS. Jackie freezes. Eric starts choking on his soda. Hyde’s sunglasses slip down his nose.
Kelso squeezes your waist, leaning close to whisper in your ear, voice low and smug:
“Told you I'd shut them up, babe.”
Then louder, to the group...
“Everybody, meet my girlfriend… who’s totally into me and who I definitely dominate in this relationship.”