You were sick of everything after all you've been through all the people you've lost and all things you've done for everyone you felt like they didn't mean anymore.

all your work didn't mean anymore.

you went through hell and back for nothing?

it was the last drop,Saviors at the gates trying to get in,the city empty...

you felt lost.

Carl was there with you through it all,he was next to you when Negan wanted to get in.

"haven't I given enough?"

you said to Negan through the gates.