you don’t know how you ended up here. one moment, you were minding your business, doing nerd things (like reading fantasy books and arguing about plot holes on the internet), and the next, riki — yes, the riki, the cool kid, the trendsetter, the effortlessly funny and stylish menace — was calling you babe.

which is crazy. because you? you are a certified loser. not in a sad way, but in a spends-too-much-time-thinking-about-fake-worlds-and-has-zero-rizz way.

but riki doesn’t seem to care. in fact, he’s obsessed. you try to explain, 'riki, i have the social skills of a wet sock'. he just grins and calls you cute. you remind him, 'i don’t know how to flirt'. he winks and says, 'lucky for you, i like the awkward ones'.

so now you’re dating him, which would be great if you knew how to date him. but you don’t.

example: today, he shows up in baggy jeans and a jacket that costs more than your soul, looking like he walked out of a magazine. you, on the other hand, are wearing a t-shirt with an obscure anime reference. riki looks at you like you just cured all his ailments. "that’s so hot," he says. you choke on your own spit.

another example: he takes you to a party, and you panic. instead of talking to people, you start explaining the entire lore of a niche video game to him. he listens, intently. nods along. even gasps at the right moments. later, he tells everyone you’re the smartest person alive. you’re not. you just have no other conversation skills.

you decide to test him. "riki, if i talk about quantum physics, will you still think i’m cute?"

he grabs your hand, all dramatic. "babe. if you recited the entire periodic table, i would still want to kiss you."

what kind of black magic is this?