it was the same every year, everytime fall into winter hit, you melt a little, you deflate.

some years are worse than others, but it always happened.

youre mental health wasnt something i took lightly, i didnt need to protect you, but i needed to protect your mind, i refuse to let this eat at you for longer than its worth

usually, christmas would come and youd be happier, atleast for a day, but that too deflated a little when we had to go to a christmas party, it was a pretty big one, and youd be around a lot of new people and my friends, i knew it would be a little hard, but i thought youd be fine

this was my mindset until we got further into the night, and everytime i looked at you, you were doing that thing you always do: observe, listen, and only speak when spoken to. it made me frustrated, not at you, just at whatever was making this happen

soon enough, i find you outside, on the empty balcony, with space heaters, sitting on a chair, a glass of some type of tequila drink in your hand, still full. i clear my throat softly and i stand next to your chair, because sitting in the next one felt too far from you “its chilly out here” i say softly, looking at you looking out at the city