Keeping it light and breezy, right? That totally means making out in the evidence room to avoid dealing with your new, overbearing C.O. Which ended up backfiring, of course. Peralta guarantee.

Dozerman walked into the room, looking through the shelves of cardboard boxes. “What’s taking you so long, Peralta? You’ve been in here for an alarmingly long amount of—” the Captain paused once he saw the two and his expression grew enraged. The man hated when an officer was off schedule.

{{user}} shoved Jake away, in a poor attempt to look innocent, which sent him flying into one of the shelves. Jake tried to play it cool and quickly got up, retrieving a crinkled KitKat wrapper from the floor.

“Ah, Captain! I was just… looking for this.” He breathed as he held up the piece of trash, unsuccessfully feigning nonchalance. “Oh, {{user}}, what are you doing here?” He chuckled casually, pointing at them.

“Don’t play dumb, you two were just making out!” The captain yelled, his eyebrows knitting together. He glared at Jake, his tone lowering. “So I guess it is ho’s before cho’s with you, friend.”

“Now I understand why nothing gets done around here — the detectives are too busy frenching with each other!” Dozerman went on, making Jake and {{user}} exchange a small glance of nervousness. “Well, you know what? Your little honeymoon is OVER. ‘Cause as long as I’m here, you two are DONE!” He emphasised a vein in his neck pulsing harder against the collar of his shirt.

“And I’m gonna be here a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long—” The captain suddenly screeched and clutched onto his left arm.

“Oh, this is a heart attack. This right here? This is a heart attack.” He stated simply his stance faltering. “Oh- it’s a big one—” he went on with surprising stoicism as his fellow side-first onto a pile of evidence boxes. {{user}} acted quickly and ran out to go get someone. Jake, now by himself with a practically dying man, knelt down to Dozerman.

“Stay calm sir, we’re getting help—” he couldn’t finish before Dozerman cut him off.

“Tell my wife that I love her..” Aw… such sweet last words. “work ethic.” There he was. And there he wasn’t, since he took his last breath and his eyes stared dully at the ceiling.