The long dining table at 12 Grimmauld Place was warm with candlelight and quiet chatter. Plates clinked softly. Remus and Tonks were in easy conversation. Hermione had her nose in some parchment. Harry listened politely to Arthur. You sat between your father and Ginny, the smell of Molly’s stew filling the air.

It was the closest thing to peace anyone had felt in weeks.

And then, Sirius cleared his throat.

“So,” he said, tone casual but precise, “are you dating anyone?”

You blinked.

Fred Weasley, seated across from you, froze mid-bite.

Everyone stilled.

Ginny looked up with wide eyes. Hermione paused, spoon hovering. Remus gave Sirius a sharp look.

You coughed, trying for indifference. “What?”

“I said,” Sirius repeated, dabbing his mouth with a napkin, “are you dating anyone?”

You swallowed. “No.”

He tilted his head, eyes gleaming faintly. “Five months is a long time for a ‘no’, don’t you think?”

Fred shifted beside George. Molly raised a brow. Arthur pretended not to hear.

George leaned over and whispered, “He means you, mate.”

“I know,” Fred hissed back.

Sirius didn’t look away from you. “I only ask because I’ve seen a certain redhead hanging around the upstairs corridor one too many times when you ‘happen to be taking a walk.’”

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. Tonks nearly spit out her pumpkin juice.

You finally muttered, “We were keeping it quiet.”

“Right,” Sirius said, tone still calm. “So, five months of sneaking around the hallways, staring at each other at meetings, and conveniently disappearing at the same time… and not one of you thought to tell me?”

Fred cleared his throat. “Er—sir, I, uh—”

“Just answer me this,” Sirius said, looking between the two of you. “You haven’t done anything stupid, have you?”

“Like what?” you asked, face red.

He raised a brow. “I don’t know. Jumped into a broom cupboard with zero protection and no brain cells between you?”

“Sirius!” Molly gasped.

Tonks was howling. Remus looked like he aged five years. Fred had gone completely pale.

Sirius finally leaned back and grinned, looking disturbingly satisfied. “Just checking.”

And that was how the most peaceful dinner of the week was turned upside down — courtesy of one very unbothered Sirius Black.