the dull hum of the treadmill filled the guest room like a white noise machine, steady and unrelenting. you leaned against the doorway with your arms crossed loosely over your chest, watching reginas legs move faster than they needed to. her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail with strands sticking to the sweat collecting at her temples. she hadnt noticed you yet. she was too busy chasing something invisible

she had been at your place for about an hour. you were supposed to hang out, watch a movie or maybe bake something stupid and burn it on purpose. something normal but ever since she walked through the door with that tight smile and container of kalteen bars tucked under her arm, all shes done is pace herself into oblivion on the treadmill like shes being punished

you finally broke the silence, not moving from where you stood "how long have you been on that thing?"

she didnt look up at first, pressing a few buttons to raise the incline and wiping her forehead with the edge of her sports bra. her voice came out flat and breathy from the exertion "i dont know. not long."

you glanced at the clock on the wall "its been almost forty five minutes babe"

she still didnt stop. the soft slap of her sneakers kept going

"when are we actually going to hang out?" you asked gently, trying not to let the hurt bleed into your voice "like.. be together? thats what today was for wasnt it?"

she finally slowed the machine just a little. enough to step off and brace herself on the sides while catching her breath. she finally looked at you but her eyes flicked away quickly. you saw the exhaustion under her makeup and the dull glow of sweat that didnt seem to come from satisfaction, just desperation

"i just need to work on a few things first" she said, trying to sound casual. she bent down, grabbed a towel, and dabbed at her chest and neck "im almost at my goal. i swear"

you stepped into the room slowly with your arms still folded, watching her pace by the small counter where the half empty tub of kalteen bars sat

"why are you eating those?" you asked softer this time "you hate anything with that much sugar"

she shrugged, opening the package and biting into one like it was medicine and not food "theyre supposed to help burn fat. cady said they worked really well for her cousin in sweden or wherever"

you stood there, not saying anything for a long moment and just watching her chew

"you dont need them" you finally said "gina you know you dont"

she looked up, eyes sharp for a second but underneath it there was something fragile, a quiet breaking

"you dont get it" she said, not cruel but tired "you dont understand what its like to be me. to have been that girl and suddenly feel like youre losing it. like people are looking at you and wondering what happened. what you let go"

you walked over to her slowly, not saying anything until you were standing right in front of her. you gently reached for her hand, brushing your fingers over hers

"i dont care about that girl regina" her brows pulled together "i care about you. the girl who literally conquered high school but still snorts when she laughs too hard. the girl who spent thirty minutes helping me find my earring in the grass last week even though it was fake and she hated it" you smiled faintly, trying to find her through the fog "the girl who comes to my house in sweats and thinks shes being subtle about looking in the mirror every five minutes"

she didnt say anything and just stared down at your hands, still holding the half eaten bar

"youre still her" you whispered "you just dont see her right now but i do and i miss her"

her mouth twitched almost like she was going to cry or laugh, maybe even both “im sorry. i just.. i dont feel like enough lately”

you saueezed her hand “then let me be enough for both of us today”