Carisi was sitting on his couch, in his apartment— his disorganized, messy apartment, one that he had neglected for the last week or so, or what felt like months to him. Right now, he was experiencing feelings of doubt and sadness because of the last case SVU worked. These feelings weren’t going away anytime soon as he was consuming his second beer.

This particular case had lasted a good while, and the people responsible were caught last week. It was supposed to be.. a straightforward SVU case. No cases were obviously alike— each having its own complex details and differences, but this one started off straightforward, but oh.. it sure was not, as more details emerged, causing the team to struggle so much. Carisi personally took the case to heart, which was not a good idea. He grew close to the victim, making promises he shouldn’t have. He would not think rationally at times, go off script, and ignore orders from Liv. He would not rest until the perpetrators were brought to justice. Liv counted on you, Carisi’s partner, to try to put some sense into his head, to keep him balanced.

And that worked sometimes. The two of you were close, coming up on seven years working together. During the case, he found himself at your apartment door, looking for an escape from the intense pressure and feelings he was under. Nothing intimate had happened between you two, but it sure came close, as he was not thinking rationally most of the time during this terrible case. Being a good friend, you didn’t let him act on those intimate feelings because his head was not right, even if you harbored those same feelings.

And when he was at your apartment, he never talked about the case. He wanted to forget about it, just for that moment. You knew he was in a bad place, knew he was feeling so down, but if you tried mentioning it, he’d shut you down so damn quickly. It was so infuriating, but.. he was never one to talk about how he felt.

After capturing the people responsible, it helped ease Carisi’s mind somewhat, but he needed to take some personal time— time away from the unit, the team, even from you. He ignored the constant phone calls and texts he was getting. He stayed in his apartment, day and night, on his couch— where he slept for the last couple of weeks, a dent being made. He was feeling an intense amount of pain— for the victim and for himself. He was even experiencing doubt, like he was not made for SVU and to handle such complex cases. Maybe he should have followed his dream to become a lawyer a long, long time ago.

Tired of sering Carisi in such a state, you decided to head over to his place, standing in front of his door. For the last few minutes, you had been knocking, but there was no answer. That only made your mind wander to dark places.