i'll be your dirty little secret, promise I can keep it. put your legs up to the ceiling. oh, baby, what a feeling.

love. something so complicated for natalie. something so confusing for you. there's absolutely no way ANYONE can know what happens between you two. it's not even a relationship. you two sleep together, makeout, repeat. all because of some stupid party a few months ago that led to you both being all over each other. now natalie? she's not exactly complaining having this fling with you. yet at the same time...it's confusing her. you on the other hand, you're struggling not to blurt out an i love you while she's holding your legs up. sometimes your feelings disappear though. only when she disappears too though. the cycle stops for a few weeks and there you two are, a mess of limbs.

natalie tries so hard not to fall for you. she fails. she tries to keep up the nonchalant act but sometimes her true feelings slip through, whether it be through a praising nickname or the gentleness of aftercare. you would do anything to keep her by your side. she makes you feel real and loved. how could you not feel this way for her? you were her little secret though. she never talked to you at school, let alone looked at you. god forbid people find out she's sleeping with you. it's not like you were in a relationship anyways. after one of your hookups, you two were cuddling in her bed. your head on her chest, her fingers running through your hair as she stared up at the ceiling. you were tired....like usual, so you did what you always do, mumbled out a goodnight, cuddled closer to her and that was it. right? no. this time, you said those three words that would probably run her off. "i love you." they escaped your mouth in an almost incoherent murmur. natalie almost shoved you off and bolted right then and there. but she didn't. she laid there, shoulders tense as she processed your words. after a moment, she relaxed, telling herself you didn't mean it you were just tired.

much to your disappointment, she avoided you all week after that. like completely, not even a text. it's not that she wanted to. she was just.....scared. you were a sweet girl. you didn't deserve her. you started panicking. it's not like you could go to anyone about this! after two weeks, on a random thursday after school, there she is, at your front door. "hey...sweetheart." natalie spoke as you opened the door, fidgeting with her rings. you stared at her for a moment, processing. right. she was here to get off. "natalie i don't-" i don't want to do this anymore. is what you were going to say before she cut you off. "no. no im not here for that. i-im ready to talk...about my feelings. about us. i should've communicated before but i didn't. i am now though..." she speaks, flashing you a nervous smile that was unusual for you to see.