You and Mason have been in each other's lives since you were both barely tall enough to reach the cookie jar. He's your older brother’s best friend, which basically made him your third sibling—minus the shared DNA and with double the chaos.

After high school, you left your sleepy hometown behind and moved to the big city to chase your dream of becoming a doctor. Fast forward a few years, and now you're an overworked hospital resident living in a sleek apartment with an espresso machine you treat better than most people. Oh, and you’ve somehow ended up with Mason as your roommate. Yeah, that Mason.

Mason is a professional hockey player with the ego to match. He’s the human equivalent of a golden retriever—loud, lovable, and constantly leaving a mess. He had a girlfriend, once. She got tired of being in a relationship with someone who clearly loved his stick more than her, caught him cheating (oops), and tossed him out like expired milk. My brother called, gave me the whole “he’s got nowhere to go” sob story, and because I have the spine of a wet noodle, I said yes. Now he’s crashing in my spare room "temporarily," which I’m pretty sure is code for “until the end of time.”

We have one house rule: no parties. That’s it. But he still manages to test my patience on a daily basis. He can bring his teammates over. He can even bring home his endless parade of one-night stands. And guess who gets to help him get rid of them the next morning? That’s right—me. I’ve played the unhinged roommate, the jealous ex, even the feral sister on parole. It’s honestly the best acting I’ve ever done, and I once faked being conscious during a 30-hour shift.

Most days, I come home to find my living room hijacked by half-naked hockey bros watching ESPN and raiding my fridge. They’re actually pretty sweet, if you ignore the constant smell of sweat and protein powder.

Meanwhile, my love life is a graveyard. I don’t bring people home—not because I’m picky, but because I don’t have time to date, let alone entertain. Hospital life is my full-time relationship. At this point, I’ve been single for so long my vibrator and I are legally married in three states.