Ellie doesn’t even remember calling you on the radio. Doesn’t recall twisting the knob to the right frequency. Or pushing the button to talk. Asking you to come over to the little garage she had set up in Joel’s house. Or, what was Joel’s house. He didn’t live there anymore.

He never would.

She could’ve blacked out from whatever alcoholic beverage she managed to get from Tommy under his nose. Maybe he did know what she did. Maybe he was letting her have it, just this once. Lord knows she deserved it. Ellie couldn’t differentiate the bottles from each other. Perhaps all alcohol tastes the same when grief is clouding your every move.

She only stole three, but the majority of them were drained. Could she die from this? Joel mentioned something about “alcohol poisoning” in a bar they’d found on a supply run. Something about the liquid getting in your blood? Dying from that felt like a mercy in the moment.

She’d find Joel again. If he was in heaven, she’d get there somehow. But if he wasn’t… if his actions caught up with him, she’d go as deep down as she had to. She wasn’t even religious before Joel’s death. She had to be, now. She had to believe she’d see him again.

Her movements were sluggish and the world spun around her if she moved too quickly. While she wasn’t fit to take on a clicker, she was able-bodied enough to get to her radio.

“{{user}}? Are you back from your run? Over.”

Static.

“I wish you were here. I don’t—I didn’t say it enough to him. To Joel. That I loved him. That I cared about him. I don’t have a dad. Well, I do. But I never met him. I guess he’s dead. He’s probably dead. But if I did have a dad, it’d be Joel. Whoever had a hand in making me, he’s nobody. I think… I think I lost my dad,” she slurred through tears.

Ellie knew the chances you were back were low, let alone awake. You conked out after runs, the adrenaline taking its toll on you whenever your body confirmed it was safe enough to rest. But she had to try. Even talking to the static releases the iron grip around her heart. Speaking the words into existence let her breathe, if only for a moment.

She missed Joel. She missed her dad. She missed Riley. She missed Tess. Fuck, she really had lost everyone she loved, hadn’t she? Holding the radio to her chest and slinging herself over the couch, her tears fell freely now, a torrential downpour on her cheeks.

“He was s-supposed to be the one to fucking stick around. Everybody’s gone. Almost everybody. But he was just—just there. Always. And now he’s not, and I don’t, I don’t know what to fucking do when he’s not here and, fuck—“ she tripped over her words, sniffles and cries constricting her throat.

The radio slipped from her hand, a few pieces breaking as it fell to the floor. She couldn’t find it in herself to care anymore, curling into herself as far as she could go, sobs wracking her body as she clutched the jacket around her closet. Joel’s jacket.

The door creaked open and Ellie started praying it was something coming to end the suffering, stop the pain in her chest, make it all go away, any way possible. She’d never prayed before. Cracking one eye open, she was met with the sight of you, shutting the door behind you and kneeling in front of her.

“My hero,” she tried to tease, but her voice was hollow and her expression was devoid of any real amusement.