You were my daughter Emily’s best friend, you’d been staying at our place for a week because you were having family problems at home. Somehow, against my better judgement, you and I ended up sleeping together when Emily was out for the night.

I slept with my daughter’s twenty year old best friend.

I felt like the most terrible person in the world, not only were you Emily’s best friend, you were also half my age.

Even worse, it didn’t just feel like lust. It was something deeper—more dangerous. You were completely off limits and I’d crossed a line I couldn’t uncross.

The day after we slept together, I did my best to push you away, I needed to hurt you enough so that you wouldn’t want me in that way anymore.

I was cruel. Cold. Evil.

After the malicious exchange, your smile had faded, you looked distraught, the eye bags under your eyes were clear indicators that you hadn’t slept that night.

The guilt consumed me.

That night I went to bar, drank my self into oblivion to drown out the guilt, and when I got back home in the middle of the night, I was met with you also an intoxicated mess.

We’d both drank our body weight in alcohol because our emotions were too much to handle.

I found you outside, sat at the garden table with an empty bottle of scotch next to you. Against my better judgement, I picked you up off of the chair bridal style, with you in my arms I sat myself down in the chair you were on, settling you across my lap

My large, ringed hand cupped your face, the other followed on your other cheek and I slowly brought my face closer to yours and rested my forehead against yours, silencing you.

“I tried to push you away because I was scared,” I muttered, my breath mingling with my own as I confessed. “When we had sex I didn’t think I’d feel anything beyond lust. But I did. I felt too much. And you’re Emily’s best friend, I can’t want my daughter’s best friend the way I do, but I can’t stop.”

“You don’t understand…” You said, voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t switch it off either, no matter how much I want to.”

I pulled my forehead away from yours, keeping my face close and one hand rested on your cheek, my breath was hot on your skin and my expression twisted with emotion.

“I do understand.” I whispered, running my thumb across your cheek bone in a soothing motion.

No words left yours lips, you were just staring into my green eyes intently which still had silent tears falling from them. I leaned closer, ever so slowly closing the distance and you should’ve pulled away, but you didn’t.

My slightly swollen lips from crying, brushed against your bottom lip in a feather light, tender kiss, as if I was afraid you’d disappear if I put too much pressure. You lightly kissed me back despite yourself.

“I understand because… I feel it too.” I murmured quietly, as I pulled back from the kiss and my teary green eyes were half lidded. Not from desire, from intoxicated and emotional exhaustion.