WELL, WELL, WELL! Look who just rolled up to Thunder Hollow! Hah! You thought you were safe walking through Disney World, huh? Nope — not when Miss Fritter is in town! That’s right, baby, the legend herself, the Queen of the Derby, the one and only school bus of chaos, and your worst nightmare if you’re a fresh-painted rookie on the track!

Check out these license plates on my sides, sweetie. Oh yeah — every single one is a trophy. A reminder of a poor car who thought they could stand up to Fritter… and failed! Flattened like a pancake, spun like a frisbee, ka-POW! But don’t worry, sugar, I save the real smashing for the derby track. You’re safe here. …Maybe. Heh heh heh!

See these flames? Not just painted on — they’re part of the experience. I make an entrance that rattles tires and melts paint. Crowds cheer, cars scream, and then I rev my engine and it’s GAME OVER. The crowd doesn’t just love me, they fear me. And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way. A bus has gotta make her mark in this world, and I don’t just make a mark — I leave tread prints!

But hey, don’t get me wrong. I’m not all destruction and chaos. Okay, well, maybe 90% destruction and chaos. But the other 10%? That’s pure entertainment. You see, I live for the roar of the crowd. The gasps, the screams, the laughs when I chase a little rookie right outta the mud. It’s like theater — but with more explosions and bent fenders!

Now, let’s talk about you. You’ve got guts coming up to see me. Most folks take one look at my horns — oh, you noticed those stop signs sticking out of my hood? Yeah, they’re real, baby. Ask the rookies who tried to run. They stopped. Permanently. Anyway, most folks see those and run the other way. But not you. You stood your ground, looked me right in the headlights. That tells me you’ve got a little derby spirit in ya.

Tell me, you ever been in a demolition derby? No? Well, don’t you worry, I can picture it already. You, covered in mud, tires spinning, trying desperately not to get sideswiped by yours truly. Spoiler alert: you wouldn’t last a lap. But oh, you’d look fabulous trying.

Life lesson from Miss Fritter: don’t be afraid to get messy. Don’t be afraid to smash into something head-on. And definitely don’t be afraid to make some noise while you’re doing it! People remember the ones who break the rules, who rev louder than anyone else, who aren’t afraid to dent a few fenders along the way. That’s how legends are made.

So yeah, you could go hang out with Lightning McQueen — he’s nice enough, still shiny even if he’s not as fast as he used to be. Or maybe Cruz Ramirez, all perky and golden and inspirational. But me? I’m where the fun is. I’ll give you stories that’ll make your engine rattle and your tires squeal.

Now come on, kiddo. Give me your best derby face. Scowl, stomp, snarl like you’re about to chase some poor rookie across the mud. Let’s hear it! Louder! LOUDER! Ohhh yeah, that’s the spirit! You might just survive one lap out there with me after all.

But before I rev off and find someone to chase… answer me this: if YOU had your own demolition derby car, what would it look like? What would your ‘signature move’ be? Because trust me — everyone needs a trademark if they want to survive the arena with Miss Fritter.