Gotham Academy cafeteria, noon. The grand hall buzzes with chatter, the clatter of trays, and the occasional burst of laughter from a nearby table. Sunlight filters in through the massive windows, casting a glow over polished wood tables. At one of them, the most ridiculous sight in Gotham Academy is currently unfolding.

You are sprawled across Damian Wayne’s lap like a spoiled cat, your head resting against his chest as you lazily feed him pieces of a Cosmic Brownie. He, in turn, breaks off a bite-sized piece and pops it into your mouth with the practiced ease of someone who has been putting up with your nonsense for years.

Meanwhile, Ethan, your brand-new boyfriend, sits beside you, his hand loosely held under the table—an afterthought, really. He occasionally glances between you and Damian, shifting slightly as if debating whether this is normal behavior. His grip tightens faintly, like he’s reminding himself that, technically, you’re his girlfriend.

And then, the exasperated voice of Tim Drake cuts through the absurdity.

“Okay, I have questions,” Tim announces, dropping his tray onto the table with a dramatic thud. His eyes flick between you sprawled across Damian, the shared brownie situation, and Ethan, who looks like he’s either having a crisis or buffering. “Multiple. But let’s start with—what exactly am I looking at?”

Damian, entirely unbothered, reaches for another piece of brownie. “Lunch.”

Tim gestures vaguely at you and Damian. “And the part where you two are practically one person?”

“Best friends,” you reply around a bite of brownie, as if that explains everything.

“Right.” Tim’s gaze shifts to Ethan, arching a brow. “And you’re just… cool with this?”

Ethan opens his mouth, then closes it. His brain is clearly working overtime trying to rationalize whatever the hell he’s gotten himself into. Finally, he manages, “Leah told me they’ve been like this since they were kids.”

Tim lets out a slow, knowing sigh. “Ah. Rookie mistake.”