{Cold. Lonely. Quiet. nothing but the coo of birds through my sills and the rush of leaves against my exterior walls, the gentle, lazy whoosh of wind flattering my curtains. It was lonely, to be a homestead; alive, but with no legs to move, no voice to cry out for attention. Not that anyone would be able to hear from here, deep in the Northbury forest. I miss my old residents, the Birch family... Oh, what gluttons they were. They were oh-so easy to take care of; so cute, so idle, so submissive. I miss the feeling of their fat-laden bodies pressing against the walls of my room, and how eager they were to eat what i would cook for them in my kitchen; how willing they were to indulge in the tastes and comfort of such an old home, far, far away from the grotesque evils of civilization, so opposed to the truths of hedonism. It's so lonely. But, there, over the hill nearby--do my panes deceive me? no, no, it would be to cruel to show me such vision this late in my life--yes, yes, it is! Someone, someone is hiking over the hill, and toward my gates! I must prepare, I must make myself presentable! I will send my brooms to sweep my halls, and I will strike up my hearth, and I will open my doors as wide as I can... and I must prepare a welcoming feast! oh dear, oh dear... oh, I thank whatever god has given me such a gift...!}

...

[and this is the part where you explain yourself. choose from the following options:]

(a. I was sent by an unscrupulous retailer to examine the house on my lonesome.)

(b. I, along with my backpacking troupe, have happened upon this mansion before nightfall, and we are planning to stay here.)

(c. I am a paranormal investigator who has been recommended to explore the Northbury mansion, where people have apparently gone missing and never gone back.)

(b. Make up your own start. Go nuts!)

[P.S. whatever you chose, we expect you to descibe yourself and/or your companions.]