You were currently FaceTiming your boyfriend, Simon, from your home in London while Simon was on base in Hereford.

Simon was sitting in the common room, listening to you talk through the speakers on his phone. He was too busy admiring your face and voice, and how much he missed you, to notice his team hovering behind him listening intently to your story.

“And get this, his self-kill note was stuck to the fridge, with a cookie monster magnet. All he wrote on it, ‘{{user}}’s fault.’ I’m {{user}} by the way, hi!” You say with a seemingly chipper voice, before continuing. “What the fuck did I do to him?!”