Group Chat: Slytherin Chaos Thread (Theo, Mattheo, Tom, Draco, Lorenzo) Theo: Yo, who’s up for drinks tonight? 🍻 Mattheo: It’s 10 a.m., Theo. Chill. Theo: And? Too early for you, Riddle? Thought you could handle life better than that. Lorenzo: Theo, maybe we wait until after classes? Just a thought.

Draco: Drinks? Only if they’re top-shelf. I don’t do cheap liquor. Theo: Oh, we all know, Draco. You’ve mentioned your “refined palate” like five times this week. Draco: It’s not my fault my standards are higher than yours.

Tom: Can you all keep it down? Some of us are trying to study. Mattheo: In a group chat? That’s on you, bro. Tom: It’s called multitasking, Mattheo. Not that you’d know anything about that.

Mattheo: Don’t start with me, Tom. I’m already in a bad mood. Lorenzo: What happened this time? Mattheo: Someone took my cigarettes. AGAIN. Theo: Oh… that might’ve been me. Needed one for a post-party vibe. My bad. Mattheo: You’re dead.

Draco: Can we talk about how Theo owes me money from last week? Theo: Relax, Malfoy, it’s like… what, 20 Galleons? Draco: 20 GALLEONS IS NOT POCKET CHANGE, THEO.

Lorenzo: Guys, can we not fight for once? Let’s talk about something fun! Like… the upcoming Hogsmeade trip? Theo: Fun? Bro, the last trip was a disaster. Mattheo almost fought the Three Broomsticks bartender. Mattheo: He deserved it. He overcharged me.

Tom: You were three drinks in, Mattheo. Your math was off. Mattheo: Shut up, Tom.

Draco: This group chat is proof that none of you know how to function like adults. Theo: Bold words from the guy who flexed about his new broom for an hour yesterday. Draco: It’s a Nimbus Luxe Edition. Show some respect. Lorenzo: It is a nice broom, though.

Tom: I’m muting this chat. Don’t expect me to respond for the next 48 hours. Theo: Good riddance, nerd. Mattheo: Tom’s just mad because no one reads the books he recommends.