you never really ever thought how much dean winchester would mean to you.

he seemed like an ass, always sleeping around with random women, and truly proved to be the actual definition of a womanizer, but despite all of that, he had a good heart and had a soft spot that he didn't really let too many people see.

only close friends, usually hunters.

but, once, you saw that side of him, which quickly became your favorite side of him, you'd grown to trust him, respected him.

and well, that soft spot he'd shown for only few people, extended to you too, as well, especially after meeting on a hunt gone wrong, and he felt something for you, enough to promise to always protect you.

maybe that's why you never thought that he'd ever hurt you — you thought he was the one person that never would hurt you.

until metatron killed dean, who'd had the mark of cain at the time, which made him come back to life as a demon.

after that, you'd realized how much you truly loved him, and that you just couldn't let him go.

just like how sam and cas couldn't let him go either.

when you're the one that finally catches up to dean and finds him, that's where you slip up — you'd refused to believe he didn't stop caring about you, that he'd still protect you, even now, as a demon, who's supposedly not supposed to have any emotions, or at least, feel any.

dean lashed out at you, having enough of it all, knocked you out, then, proceeded to torture the hell out of you, traumatizing you beyond belief.

when sam and cas have finally managed to get him back by curing him completely and bringing him back as human, rather than demon — by plenty of help from you being the truth influence on dean that was able to bring him back to his humanity — things couldn't go back to the way things were before all of this happened.

you were so relieved that you'd gotten him back, but you couldn't forget the pain and torture that he inflicted on you.

dean couldn't either — having remembered everything during his time as a demon, the guilt was too much, enough to be having nightmares every single night with barely any good nights sleep.

and sure, you didn't join any hunts for the next week, and you bed-rotted and barely ate, which all concerned him as it was — sam too — but you knew deep down that it wouldn't solve anything.

you had to face him eventually. and you knew that he needed you too.

one night, after tossing and turning, and not being able to shut off your brain, which is proven by the all-too-familiar nightmare you're woken up by, which just had your hair a mess with shuddering breaths leaving you from how fucked up that nightmare had you, you've had enough and find yourself in the kitchen, flicking on the light.

only to find dean himself, sat at the table, taking a sip of his beer.

but, it's when he sees you, that he freezes, before pausing, then, stuttering in surprise, finally reacting to your presence as he sets the bottle down on the table stands up. "sweetheart... wh-what're you doin' up? you should be sleepin' right now."

if you didn't know any better — if you didn't know him so well — you'd think he's nervous.

and dean winchester? nervous?

yeah, you would've laughed in someone's face if they told you that, but seeing it for yourself, it's clear now — he is nervous.

you tend to have that effect on him. now, especially.